


A Shining Star Gone

by BoredWithIdeas



Category: Glee
Genre: Covers the funeral, Finn's gone... permanetly, How I would have preferred Rachel find about Finn, How Rachel found out, Pre-Quarterback, it's sad, mentions of drug-use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-09
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2017-12-31 16:01:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1033595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoredWithIdeas/pseuds/BoredWithIdeas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rachel Berry has got the role of Fanny Brice. She still can't believe it. She wants to call Finn and tell me and maybe get back together. Oh how she missed him! But when Finn's mom answers the phone, Rachel gets some really devastating unexpected news. How will she react? Will this affect her role in the play? This is how I would have preferred that Rachel finds out about Finn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. How I found out

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first story on here. It's also on Fanfiction.net but I thought I should put it here. I had this idea during school, waiting for that week's episode of Glee [The Quarterback]. It's set after Rachel found out she got Fanny. So yeah...

I, Rachel Berry, still cannot believe I got the role of Fanny Brice. This has been a life-long dream But it still doesn't feel complete. I thought I'd be married to Finn by now. I haven't spoken to him in what feels like forever. It might be on exaggeration but I used to talk to him everyday for nearly four years so it feeels like forever. I'm going to call him. A part of me still loves him. He deserves to know.

I take out my phone and dial his number. It takes a few rings but he finally answers. "Finn! Guess what? I got the ro-"

"R-Rachel?"

"Carole?"

"Oh R-Rachel!"

"Why are you crying?"

"I-it's..."

"Carole?!"

"Hi Rachel."

"Burt?"

"Yeah. Um... we're really glad you called."

"Where's Finn? I need to tell him something important."

"That's the thing. Rachel, honey, um.. Finn's... He's... dead."

I was in tears. I dropped the phone and fell to my knees. Kurt came into the room. "Rachel! What's wrong?!" He said as he fell to my side. I kept crying. He grabbed my phone and put it on speaker. He didn't know who it was so he said,"Hello? Why is Rachel crying? Did something happen to Barbara?"

"Kurt?"

"Dad?"

"Yeah. Nothing happened to Barbara. Ugh! I can't say it again. Here gimme."

"Carole?"

"Hi K-kurt."

"What happened?"

"Kurt, sweetie, F-Finn's... d-dead."

"What?!"

"Please don't yell at me!"

"I-I'm sorry... How?"

"A girl found him lying on the sidewalk a few blocks from your apartment. She recongized him from one of the Glee club's preformances. She called an abulance. Once they made it to the hospital, it was too late. He... he over- dosed."

"Why would he do that?!"

"We don't know. There is a note for Rachel. We haven't read it."

I was still crying but I grabbed the phone from Kurt's hand. "We'll catch the next flight over." I shouted. On the ther end you can hear Carole crying all over again.

"I'm sorry, Rachel."

I sniffled. Burt's always caring for other people before himself. He sometimes feels like another dad to me.

"Thanks, Burt."

"Any time, honey."

Kurt said goodbye and so did I. Right away Kurt and I packed our bags. Santana came back from her girlfriend's house. I didn't expect her to cry... But she did. I guess he had some impact on all of our lives. She packed. We went to the airport and bought tickets. We leave in ten minutes. This is not how I wanted to see Finn again.


	2. Back in Lima

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Home won't feel the same without him. In fact, nothing feels the same without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to mash up two chapters into one because they were both short.

The plane took off. I got a window seat, with Kurt by my side ans Santana in the aisle seat. She only complained once.

"Why do I get the aisle seat?"

Nobody said anything. We all stayed quiet because we all knew. Kurt needed to be in the middle so if we needed a shoulder to cry on, he'd be there. I need a window seat because I can't trust myself right now and I might have not put on my belt. Kurt is taking this better than Santana and I. When he needs a shoulder to cry on, I'll be there.

I looked outside of the window and watched as we passed the clouds. I can't help but think that Finn is up here somewhere. I started crying. Kurt said nothing and wrapped his arms around me. I'm so thankful for him. He rested his head on mine. A few minutes later, I heard a sniffle. I looked up and I saw Kurt crying. I moved his arms from around me and I put mine around him. Santana turned and hugged Kurt, too. We stayed like this until the flight attendant told us to put on our seat belts. We're finally here.

* * *

  
Burt and Carole greeted us at the airport. When I say "greeted", I mean that Carole and I ran to each other and cried like there was no tomorrow. Kurt and Burt hugged. Santana tried to maintain the 'Bad-ass' persona and stood there, waiting for us to stop crying. After a minutes, (I don't know. I lost track.) Carole and I gave each other sad smiles.

"I'm so happy you're here."

"Me, too."

Carole turned and hugged Santana. Santana didn't pull away. Why would she? She was just as vulnerable as the rest off us. Burt took mine and Santana's bags. "Let's go." Was all he said. We walked out and drove home. Home. It doesn't feel like home without Finn. It can never be home without him. Everything'll be different.

* * *

  
Back at McKinley. I can see him walking down the hallways. Kurt and Santana are at Carole's house. They're getting settled in Kurt's old room. I think it's because they just didn't want to come. I really could use someone right now. Mr. Shue.

I manage to make it to the choir-room without collapsing on the floor and crying. Mr. Shue's there. He smiles at me like nothing happened. It angers me a bit. I feel like slapping at grin right off his face. He should be crying. Hell! Santana did!

"Why are you smiling? Nothing good has happened."

His smile fades. There. I can see it clearly now. He hasn't slept, it's noticeable by the bags under his eyes. It has taken a toll on him. He's hurting as much as anybody else. Why isn't he showing it?

"I know, Rachel. I just thought..."

He didn't finish the sentence. He didn't need to, I knew what he wanted to say. 'I just thought you needed some support'. I don't need any support, I don't want to be treated like a baby. Carole needed the support. Her only son is... I don't even want to finish my sentence.

I move towards Shue and hug him. I start crying even more. I can't help it. He holds me and I'm grateful for him. "Shh Rachel. We'll find a way through this. We can't be sad forever." He said as he stroked my hair. I didn't want to believe that. I couldn't. I don't think it's possible, not without Finn

* * *

 

I went back ho- to Kurt's house. That place was like a second home to me. Everyday after school, I'd go back to the house with Finn. We'd do homework and when we were done, we'd cuddle up on his bed. I walked over there, not wanting to get there just yet. I don't want to get there, I can't.

I'm lost somewhere. Normally I know Lima like the back of my hand. I guess the roads are just blurry because of my tears. I don't know when but I started crying. I take out my phone and call Kurt.

"Rachel, where are you?! It's nearly midnight!"

"...I don't know."

"...Oh. Tell me anything big you see right now."

"There's... a restaurant. I think the one where most people go out."

"Bread Stix? Oh God, you couldn't even remember that. You're worse than I expected. I'm coming to get you. Don't move!"

"Okay."

I hung up the phone. I sat on the curb. Why am I forgetting all of these major things in my life? I stay seated for ten minutes (I think?) when Kurt pulls up in Burt's car. He gets out and helps me into the car. There's silence on the ride to the house. Neither one of us knows what to say. We've said it all on the plane over here. We go inside the house. Carole's at the table, crying, while Burt's holding her. Santana is at the table eating (That is so like her). I don't make another noise and go up stairs to Finn's room. I open the door and close it behind me.

It's still the same. Nothing has changed, why would it? All of his action figures, all of the comic books, all of the video games. They're everywhere. Usually I would be here to clean up his room. I cry. I can't seem to stop. I calm myself and start cleaning his room. I pick up all of the clothes on the floor and bring them up to my chest. They still smell like him. I close my eyes for a few seconds before opening them. I look up and Finn's standing there.

"Hi Rachel."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you guys think?


	3. F-Finn?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I felt like screaming. He can't be here, he shouldn't. "F-Finn?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what happened here.

I felt like screaming. He can't be here, he shouldn't. "F-Finn?" I step closer towards him. He extends his arms forward.

"Stay there. You know I'm not really here." He said as he backs away.

"Then..." I don't finish my sentence. I don't need to. He knows what I mean.

"Oh! I'm your mind's creation."

"Makes sense. You'd never really say 'mind's creation'." He laughed. It sounded so real. There's silence for a moment. Then he breaks it.

"My funeral's in three days. You need to write my eulogy."

"I d-don't want to."

"Neither does Puck but he's toughing it out."

"BUT HE DIDN'T LOVE YOU LIKE I DID."

Finn didn't say anything because Kurt burst through the door. "RACHEL! Who are you yelling at?!"

I blinked. I didn;t want to tell him I saw Finn. He'd probably think I'm crazy. I probably am. I force a smile. "I'm just running some lines for class." He knows I'm lying but he leaves it at that. He's too tired. He hasn't slept in a while.

"Okay. Are you going to sleep in here?"

"Um yeah. I'll stop yelling and try to get some sleep." I say as I look around the room. He gave me a hug and left. I cry a little more before I get one of his old notebooks, grab a pen, and start writing. Writing an eulogy for Finn Hudson. Never thought I'd be doing that so young. I probably would have called you crazy if you told me that two years ago. As I write all that is going through my head is: _Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. **I miss him.**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the next two chapters will cover the funeral. I just thought you should know.


	4. The Funeral: Part one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated. I had to do a thing.

I don't want to go. There's going to be so much crying, so many things and people that'll remind me of Finn. I heard Carole crying last night. It was quiet but I heard it:

"I'm not a mom anymore!"

Those five words... broke me. Tomorrow at the funeral, they won't be going to her, no, they'll tell _me_ how sorry they are for my loss. At the time, he wasn't even mine to lose.. Yes, I'll be crying but Carole, she'll be sobbing. Her son, our quarterback, my first true love, is gone. She can't even read, or rather sing, her eulogy, Blaine will be singing it for her.

Blaine was really struck by the news. He cried. Then he made sure we all were okay. He even held Carole as she creid, telling her how sorry he was, saying that none of this should have happened to her or Finn. That's why I like him. He understands.

He came into Finn's room the other day. I was writing.

"How are you holding up there, Rachel?"

"Okay, I guess. At least you aren't treating me like a greiving widow."

He chuckled. I smiled. His voice sounds less... lively.

"Well, I know you don't want to be treated like that."

"Thank you."

"It's just how I am. How's the... eulogy coming along?"

"I don't know. Good, I guess. Have you mesmerized the song?"

"For Carole's? Yeah. I'm not going to lie, I cried while listening and singing it."

"Can I hear it?"

"Can I hear your eulogy?"

"Tomorrow."

"There's your answer."

I smiled. "Okay."

"Actually I came here because Kurt has something for you."

"Oh? And here I thought you came to visit me. What is it?"

"I can't tell you. It's a surprise."

"Fine." We go to Kurt's old room. He's sitting with his legs crossed on the bed, holding something black. "What's that?" He smiled that evil grin I've come to love.

"It's for you."

"No! I thought you bought me here to give something to Blaine."

He didn't reply and held out his arms. It was a gorgeous black dress. "It's beautiful"

"I was planning to give it to you on your birthday, but I think you need something nice now."

I held it and looked at him. "Thank you. I'll wear it tomorrow."

"And you'll look beautiful in it."

I thanked and hugged him before going back to Finn's room. I need to finish this eulogy. Even if it means it's that last time I can see Finn. I grab my laptop from my bag. I still get Wi-Fi here. Before I finish the eulogy, I type in the song that Carole wants Blaine to sing for the... funeral. It was originally going to be a speech but Carole thought she can say more with the song. Ed Sheeran has such a way with words. I wonder why we've never covered him in Glee. I cry while listening to the song. It's the perfect song. I understand why she chose it. I finish the eulogy and take a shower. Tomorrow's going to be a long day. Everybody's coming back for this. The whole family, old and new, are coming back to see him. Only Carole (Blaine), Noah, and I are going to do our eulogy. Hopefully, I don't break down in front of everybody tomorrow.

~ _The Next Day_ ~

I curl my hair, wear the black dress Kurt gave me, and put on my best shoes. I go last for reading my eulogy. First, Noah, then it's Carole (Blaine). We get to the church first. There he is. I want, no, I need to go to him and Kurt must have sensed that because he held me and didn't let me go. "Please! Kurt, I have to!"

"Rachel! Stop!"

I calm down and cry some more. Finn's pallbearers are Burt, Kurt, Blaine, Mr. Shue, Mike, and Noah. It took us a while to convince him but we finally got Noah to carry him out. He reading his eulogy now.

_What can I say about Finn Hudson? He was my best bud and the best guy ever. He was always... so inspiring. If he knew we were gonna lose a compettion, he made sure we had fun doing it. He was always there when we needed him. He really was the team leader... I knew he had a problem. And I didn't bother to check up on him. He asked for help but I ignored him. I should have been there for him.. Look at what happened because I wasn't. But I know he would tell me not to beat myself up because that's just how he was. Finn Hudson was the best man to ever live in Lima. We all miss him but he's in a better place now. A place where they can help him way better than I ever did. I love you, buddy._

That was sweet. I can see he's trying not to cry. There's an empty space next to me. I keep imagining Finn's there. He doesn't say anything, he just watches with his cute little smile. Blaine going up.

"Hello everyone! Um... this is Carole's eulogy/song. She wanted me to sing it so here it is..."

  
_I sing this song in memory of_   
_The wayward smile_   
_The boy we won't forget_   


  
_The soul you took away from us_   
_The river flows_   
_The tears that we wept_   


  
_Missing you_   
_Is all that needs to be said_   
_More than blue_   
_The words inside my head_   


  
_And I know_   
_That you're_   
_Gone._   


  
_And I know_   
_That you're_   
_Gone._   


  
_The cheeky smile of jokes and laughs_   
_The memories_   
_Of times we crossed the line_   


  
_The stepping stones across my mind_   
_Washed away_   
_We all now feel so blind_   


  
_Missing you_   
_Is all that needs to be said_   
_More than blue_   
_The words inside my head_   


  
_And I know_   
_That you're_   
_Gone._   


  
_And I know_   
_That you're_   
_Gone._   


  
_And I know_   
_That you're_   
_Gone._   


  
_But I now_   
_let you_   
_go_   



	5. The Funeral: Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry. Wow, I suck at updates. But here's another chapter. I think I'll finish the story today.

I'm crying as I hold Carole. She's sobbing. It was a beautiful song. Finn's smiling at Blaine. I know that I'm going to have to let him go sometime. Just not now.

It's my turn. I leave my purse, which holds Finn's last note, and go up there. There are hurt smiles everywhere, giving my pity. I take a deep breath. 

_Hello. I'm Rachel Berry._

There's chuckles in the crowd. Finn's still smiling.

_Finn Hudson was... amazing. He was kind and caring. He was sweet and funny. He was, or still is, a legend at McKinely. There will be no other like him. But most importantly he was my first love. He showed m-me that someone does love me for who I am. I remember the first time we kissed, he was gentle yet so unsure of what to do. That's when I knew that I loved him. Even when we broke up during high school, I knew we'd get back together. I never thought that this boy could have such an impact on my life. He brought out the best in me and I'm grateful to have his love in return. That's all he wanted: For me to love him again. And I denied him that chance. I just hope that this... wasn't my fault. He had a note but I haven't read it. I don't know why._

I pause for a moment to realize that his smile faded. Why? Is it because I haven't read it? Before anything else happens I continue.

_Like Noah said, he never liked to see people he cared about sad. He always tried to make us happy. Or if he knew the reason one of us was sad because of him, he'd apologize to no end. Even after you'd accepted his apology, he'd keep on apologizing. And for me to have betrayed him, kills me every single day. I don't know why I did that but... I loved him and still do, but I don't believe for one second he truly forgave me. I know he tried to move past this but I couldn't. This sweet, caring, funny boy wanted to be with me but I betrayed him. I don't think I can live with myself. But I have to go on because that's what he would have wanted. I should at least do this one thing. He wanted to see me get the role of Fanny and now I've got it. He'd want me to be better than Barbara, but we all know that can't happen. So I'll try to be the second best... For him._

He has a faint smile, but he looks disappointed. It kills me. I sat back down and Kurt held me as I cried. It was time to bury Finn. Everybody's crying, well, except for Santana and Noah. He was walking along with us towards his _..._ I want him back. I want to tell him I'm sorry. I want to tell him I love him. I just want to hold him one more time. But it's not going to happen. The priest is saying something I don't hear because Carole and I are crying. They lower his body and everybody bows their head. There are silent sobs everywhere.

After everything, Burt invites everyone back to his house. As I thought, everyone came to me, hugged me and told me they were sorry. Nobody hugged Carole or told her they were sorry. So I sit by her and hug her. "I'm sorry, Carole. This... should not have happened. No mother should ever lose her child."

She stops crying and looks at me. "Thank you." We hug and cry the whole night. No one bothers us. They understand we need time to grieve after seeing after seeing Finn being lowered to the _..._ They all say good-bye. It's getting late and I need to sleep. I have to catch a flight back to New York and so does Kurt and Santana. They need to get more clothes. We plan to stay another few weeks because Mr. Shue is planning to dedicate a week, in Glee, to Finn. I need to go back because I need to rehearse some stuff for Funny Girl. Mr. Campion texted me a few hours ago. 

_Rachel, some other directors want to see you play Fanny. You need to come to the theater Wednesday at five 'o clock._

I didn't tell him I was here. I need to go. Finn would have wanted me to.


	6. Crazy

We arrive in New York just in time for me to get ready for tomorrow. I run some lines before I go to bed. I can do this without crying. I cried myself to sleep.

"It's a party for me! Honest!"

"Oh... okay!"

"You meant it!?" I take a moment to actually look at his face.

"Of course."

It's Finn.

I can't help it, the tears just come rushing out. It's a dry run, so none of the directors are there.

"Rachel! What's wrong?"

"I-it's F-Finn." Nobody hears because my answer was barely audible. His face fades away.

"What's wrong?"

"M-my boyfriend's... d-dead." I love him. I would have called him my husband but I don't have a ring. The ring! I still have our engagement ring. I couldn't do anything with it, so I kept it in a drawer.

"Oh... Rachel, I'm sorry but you are going to have to SUCK IT UP. Other directors are going to be here within the hour and you need to get it right. There is also going to be some magazine reporters to write an article about the new 'Fanny'." That just adds a whole new level of pressure. I can't help but think of Finn while doing this. He would help me everyday to prepare if this ever happened.

"I need a moment."

Mr. Campion nodded. "Everybody take five."

I text Kurt:

_Come quick. I don't think I can do this without you._

He replied:

_I'll be there._

"It's a party for me! Honest!"

"Oh... Okay!"

"You meant it!?" I made the mistake of looking at his face again.

"Of cou-"

"Ahhhh! Ahhh!" Kurt came by my side. "It's Finn! It's Finn!" I yell pointing towards...

"Shh! Rachel, sweetie, he's not here. He's gone."

"He's there!" People are crowding me, asking questions I can't here. Kurt tries to shoo them away. Mr. Campion tells them the story. "Her boyfriend died and she experiencing some post-traumatic illusions. It happens to the best of us."

"No, don't tell them." No one hears except Kurt. I know that they will make it seem like I'm crazy. Maybe I am.


	7. The Article

**Is the New Fanny Brice Crazy?**

_Some of our reporters were at the mini-play of 'Funny Girl' and beginner Rachel Berry began screaming in the middle of the performance. The young actress' friends went to her and held her in his arms while she was crying. She yelled, "It's Finn! It's Finn!" Her friend said, "He's gone." We also got an explanation from the producer. "Her boyfriend died and she experiencing some post-traumatic illusions. It happens to the best of us." Of course it does happen to the best of us but is Ms. Berry stable to preform such a grand role of Fanny Brice?_


	8. Voice Mail

The story spread fast. I can't even take a walk outside without being given these horrible stares. Mr. Campion reassured me that I will not lose the role of Fanny because of my 'amazing preformance'. Kurt and Santana are back in Lima. I need one of their shoulders to cry on.

I want to talk to Finn. I want to hear his voice again. I remember that I have a voice-mail from him. I take out my phone and check my voice-mails. There's a new one. Dated two days before he died. How did I not see this one? I press play:

_Rachel, you must be in classes right now. I miss you. I want to be near you again. But you said that we won't work out, not now at least. How much longer do I have to wait? I don't think I can hold on much longer. Not without you. I love you so mu-_

It stops right there. I'm crying again. Why didn't I check my voice-mails? I could have saved him. Why didn't I answer that call? I could have. I was checking my phone at that time and... I had sent him to voice-mail. WHY AM I SO STUPID? This is all my fault! I could have saved him! It's getting dark out but I don't want to go to sleep just yet.

_I know you're somewhere out there_   
_Somewhere far away_

_I want you back_   
_I want you back_

_My neighbors think I'm crazy_   
_But they don't undrstand_

_You're all I have_   
_You're all I have_

_At night when the stars light up my room,_   
_I sit by myself_

_Talking to the moon_   
_Try to get to you_   
_In hopes you're on the other side_   
_Talking to me too_   
_Or am I a fool,_   
_Who sits alone_   
_Talking to the moon_

_I'm feeling like I'm famous_   
_The talk of the town_

_They say I've gone mad_   
_Yeah, I've gone mad_

_But they don't know what I know_   
_'Cause when the sun goes down_

_Someone's talking back_   
_Yeah, they're talking back_

_At night when the stars light up my room,_   
_I sit by myself_

_Talking to the moon_   
_Try to get to you_   
_In hopes you're on the other side_   
_Talking to me too_   
_Or am I a fool,_   
_Who sits alone_   
_Talking to the moon_

_Do you ever hear me calling?_

_'Cause every night_   
_I'm talking to the moon_   
_Still trying to get to you_   
_In hopes you're on the other side_   
_Talking to me too_   
_Or am I a fool,_   
_who sits alone_   
_Talking to the moon_

_I know you're somewhere out there_   
_Somewhere far away_

  
"You still have a beautiful voice."

I turn around. It's Finn. "You can't be here."

"You keep bringing me back."

"I need to let you go."

"Then do it. You have your whole life ahead of you and if you keep bringing me back, I'll just be holding you back."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

He's gone. And it should stay that way. He'll always be in my heart. But he'll always be my shining star.

I look out the window and I see a big star growing dim. It's the Finn Hudson star. Now our shining star is gone.


	9. The Note

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter.

Dear Rachel,  
I just wanted you to know that I love you. And I always will. But I think it's too late. I've been trying to hold on but it's too painful.

Tell my mom that she has been the best woman in my life and I love her.

Tell Burt that I'm sorry for not being able to run the auto shop.

Tell Puck that there's at least fifty bucks under my bed. It was suppose to be for us but it seems God has other plans.

Tell Will that I'm sorry for kissing Emma. Tell him not to feel bad for not forgiving me because I forgive him.

Tell the Quinn, Santana, and Brittany that they were the baddest bitches in McKinley and no one will ever top that trio.

Tell Mike and Tina that they are meant for each other. Or scratch that, don't tell them, they'll end up together somehow. Tell them that I'll miss them and to make me proud.

Tell Mercedes to sing lots of songs with that beautiful voice of hers. She has a great talent, tell her not to let it go to waste.

Tell Lauren to rock on and to never let any one bring her down.

Tell Matt that he was one of the best football players McKinley ever had.

Tell Rory, if you ever see that little Leprechaun again, that he was one of my best friends ever.

Tell the new, New Directions to make me proud and wins us that regionals trophy.

And you, Rachel, I love you so, so much. It's getting harder and harder to write this, it hurts too much. I never thought I'd go out this way.

Tell everyone I'm sorry and that I love them. They'll need it. No matter what happens, I'll always wait for you. Rachell Berry, you are amazing and I hope you get that Funny Girl part. I know you will.

  
Love,

_Finn_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Though, some people wanted me to post a reaction chapter by Rachel. I'll think about it if this does good.

**Author's Note:**

> What did you guys think? Was it good? It was probably short but if it were longer then that would mean less chapters. Hoped you guys liked it!


End file.
